


THE MOON, or: How I Met Your Mother

by chicago_ruth



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Canon Rehash, Crack, Flashbacks, Gen, My best estimation of what canon was about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-08
Updated: 2010-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 14:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21357559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicago_ruth/pseuds/chicago_ruth
Summary: Naruto explains to his son everything that happened in his childhood that led to him meeting the love of his life.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20
Collections: Osmosis Exchange





	THE MOON, or: How I Met Your Mother

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fencesit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fencesit/gifts).

> This was writen for the osmosis exchange and is not a serious story! See end notes for how much of the canon I actually know.

Naruto called his son Boruto into his office at the ninja school and motioned for him to sit on the couch.

Boruto, who didn’t usually get called into the principal’s office, looked really uncomfortable. "Dad. What’s up?”

“Son, I just thought it was time that I told you the story of how I met your mother.” Naruto had a very serious look on his face, which was unusual for him even in adulthood. 

But Boruto rolled his eyes. “I know how you met mom. It was during your ninja school days.”

“No, no, that’s not the full story. Sit as I tell you my tale.”

Since Boruto was already sitting, he stayed there even though he wanted to go hang out with his friends, the child of Sakura and Sasuke and the child of Rockman Lee. And maybe also the child of Orochimaru.

Naruto got that faraway look in his eyes that said he was imagining something great, like naruto fishcakes. “Now, it all started when Sasuke kissed me.”

“Yeah, the net talks about that all the time. But that’s a weird way to start the story of how you met mom.” Boruto did a quick search on his smartphone (that he totally had, since it was the future) and started googling “NaruSasu kiss”, which got him a lot of tabloid hits about his dad’s secret past. That was the curse of being the son of a celebrity figure.

“No, no. It wasn’t like that.” Naruto made the weird hand motions of the flashback-no-jutsu, and suddenly they weren’t in the ninja school office at all anymore, but in the hazy memories of a man whose best days were a good, um, ten to twenty years ago.

“You see, I was in a ninja group with Sakura and Sasuke. And Sasuke was my bff. We were very tight. And Sakura was the most beautiful girl I knew. She used to have very long hair.”

“Yes, you’ve said,” Boruto interrupted, like a son who had no interest in what his father was actually saying. Also, he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know about how his dad used to jerk it to his best friend’s mother.

“We had grand adventures. The chuunin exams. That time Orochimaru killed the old hokage. That time Orochimaru kidnapped Sasuke. That time Orochimaru did other evil stuff.”

It did make one wonder why Orochimaru was still hanging around town not getting tried for all his war crimes, but apparently Naruto was a more forgiving man than Boruto.

“Oh, there was also the adventure of the dude named either Rain or Pain, I forget which, and he killed everybody, but then he also brought everybody back to life! Good times.” 

The flashback-no-jutsu showed all of that in great detail that everybody already knows so there’s no need to describe it.

But Boruto noticed something. “Didn’t a few people stay dead?”

Naruto frowned at him. “Why do you say that?”

“I’m pretty sure there were people who didn’t survive the everybody-dies-jutsu.” Boruto pointed at the graves in the flashback. “Like those people’s graves.”

Flashback-no-jutsu wasn’t good enough to actually reproduce the inscriptions on the gravestones/markers.

“Well. I can’t be expected to remember every dead person. There were hundreds of thousands of people who died, and most of us came back!” Since Naruto was always upbeat and chipper, he grinned widely and said, “Believe it!”

Boruto maybe believed it since probably he was similar to his dad. “Okay, but what does this have to do with how you met mom? Didn’t you already meet her way before all the Rain-or-Pain stuff?”

“Right, but I wasn’t in love with her yet! I was still holding out hope for Sakura. And there was Sasuke, who still needed to be redeemed. How could I settle down and have a romance when my best friend was suffering?”

“I thought Sasuke wasn’t actually brainwashed and he made every bad decision of his own free will? Like his grandfather was evil and his brother tried to stop that evil but then Sasuke decided that he wanted to be evil too?”

“Where did you hear that?” 

Around them, the scenery changed to show the Itachi clan massacre which resulted in Itachi getting his super powers and also launched a lot of incest ships but which neither Naruto or Boruto thought about because they weren’t Uchihacest shippers. (Some of us run in those circles. But not Naruto and Boruto.)

Boruto was starting to get annoyed that his dad wouldn’t get to the point. “I already know the story about how you were super sure you could redeem Sasuke with the power of your best-friendsness even though you barely knew the guy and he betrayed you when you were somewhere between the age of ten and fifteen! And it happened! But what’s that got to do with how you met mom?”

“The point here is the moon!” Naruto pointed up at the moon.

The moon glowed back at them in red. It was a mind control moon that was kind of like sharingan eyes, or maybe actually was sharingan eyes. Or maybe all sharingan eyes got their powers from the moon?

Boruto looked at the moon, and then back at Naruto. “Okay, dad. What about the moon?”

But here Naruto shook his head and placed a hand on Boruto’s shoulder. Flashback-no-jutsu got very foggy now. 

“You see, son, there comes a time in every man’s life when the moon is evil. And then you need to destroy it. It happened to Doctor Who, it happened to Dragonball, it happened to Zelda, and then it happened to me. And I was forced to destroy the moon. With the power of my ninetails and the, uh, siiiix? other legendary creatures. We banded together and shot the moon with a moon-killing-jutsu.”

(As an aside, the evil group of Akatsuki that Itachi belonged to were probably named “red moon” because they were planning on using the red mind control moon. I think.)

Since the tides and whatever weren’t out of whack and the world did, in fact, still have a moon, Boruto was really confused about what his dad was talking about. But he didn’t care. “Okay, so what’s this got to do with mom?”

Naruto scratched his chin and then shrugged. “Well, after the whole moon adventure, my life as a super powered ninja kid were over because I’d saved everybody! Sasuke became unevil, Sakura decided to settle for him, and I finally saw your mom in the light she deserved. The moonlight.”

At this point flashback-no-jutsu dissolved and they were back in the office, only Naruto was on the couch with Boruto. 

“Great talk, son. Just think, I could have spent nine seasons leading up to this!”

“Or, uh, 400 chapters of manga?” 

Before Naruto could respond, Boruto bolted (see what I did there) from the room to hopefully forget that entire conversation ever happened.

**Author's Note:**

> It felt a bit cheating but I have read some of the manga but it was way back then and if you can't tell, I stopped way before the ending. 
> 
> Feel free to let me know what I got wrong XD


End file.
